Broken

As a product of a broken home, a failed marriage, is it at all surprising that I find myself divorced and broken in spirit at the age of 40? Well if you believe in facts, and I do, then its no mystery why so many children of divorce find themselves repeating the mistakes of their parents. I’m a father of 2 wonderful children who keep me felling young and full of life, but at the same time reminding me that I’m a failure at the one thing I wanted to be really good at, being a husband, loving and taking care of my wife and family. It’s easy to look back and think about how you would do things differently and that’s healthy as long as it’s only to learn from your mistakes, not to dwell on them and beat yourself up about it. The harder thing to do is look forward and try to imagine myself starting a new relationship. When your young life is all in front of you, when you meet someone it’s all new it feels great. When your 40 and you meet someone it’s all about the baggage. How honest should I be? Do I talk about the ex? Do I really have to listen to her talk about her ex or ex’s ? There is so much stuff to deal with that the spontaneity gets lost. Being a father and a guy in general I want to fix everybody’s problems but at 40 we are all pretty messed up. The truth is I just want my mommy and daddy back, I want to fix my broken home but the reality is I can’t. Now the real work begins how do I try to insure that my children aren’t doomed to the same fate? Maybe marriage is a failed experiment? Maybe we weren’t meant to stay with one person our whole lives? The thing is for me I can’t imagine anything more fulfilling than a life spent in the arms of someone you truly love. Yes I’m broken at 40, but still cautiously optimistic about the future.

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